Thursday, August 17, 2006

everyday i open up this page, and think "What? still no posts?" "why why why"... i don't know what i think is going to happen - that someone is going to tap into my brain and type out my thoughts i guess..

the fact that no one has, is a bit disconcerting, and this terrible method of me actually having to log on and actually having to rack my brain and actually having to type the actual thoughts out seems a tad inefficient, not to say outmoded... but what to do? i miss all my lovely comments, and you lot don't seem to want to comment if i've not posted, so it looks like i've got no choice but to do it the old fashioned way... so here i am...

how have you been? i've been well. a little busy, a little zoned out.. a little fatter... what is it about fat? why does it creep up on you like that? and the terrible thing is that your brain somehow adjusts itself so that when you look in the mirror, you look the same as you did 5 years ago, and then suddenly, WHAM!!! can't fit into any of your clothes...

this week has been a rollercoaster one for me... some ups, some downs... hardly got to watch any telly, except for nigella cooking something yesterday... only got to watch this as gitanjali loves her as much as i do...

moo bought me a surprise ring with a nice big stone on it, so that was definitely an up. the down was that i only get to pick it up tommorrow after they've set it... i've also had people unloading their problems on me this week - 5 different people by the way with 5 major problems, and i have to say that it is tiring and tedious - somehow i sort of carry their problems with me, even though they've gone off feeling a little better for talking to me... but then i guess i'm blessed that i only have to listen - it's not as if i'm carrying that burden for them, am i... and they all said that they felt better for having me listen to them, so i shall not complain...

its school holidays after tomorrow, and god help me, what will i do? sham has promised to go on a picnic with me, so that will be nice, but what about the rest of the days? have been racking my brain, but no thoughts yet... and the thing is she's 3. so many many more years of school holidays looming ahead... a bit scary the whole thought of it...

i have to say, having gitanjali in my life - it's like i was always wandering around in black and white, and suddenly there's colour... and noise... it's wonderful. but the whole mom thing is so tiring. i think that this is the thing.... it's like having the best time of your life, but being tired at the same time, and not having enough sleep, and this, with only one toddler... what happens when i have the other 3 (oh didn't i tell you? i plan to have 4 kids, if i can)

gitanjali was fully breastfed until she was 21 months old, and she spent the first 18 months of her life entirely in my care. i was lucky and still am lucky that i could keep her with me for that long, and that even now, i get to spend more time with her than most working moms - but i have to say that now that i don't have her with me all the time - i make sure that the hours that i spend with her are solely centered around her, and we have a lot more fun these days... (this of course means that i suffer terrible pangs of guilt whenever i go out and do something that does not include her, like a facial or a manicure or shopping... ) which was not the case when i had her with me all the time in the office - see those days, i used to have her in the office all day long... i had to work and keep an eye on her as well, which meant i was there, but i wasn't really there mentally with her - then when we went home, i would be so tired, that i would just turn on the tv or grab a book and zone out... nowadays b'cos i don't get to see her all day, i don't zone out at all... she's number one all the time, and that is just the way i like it, i have to say...

2 comments:

mjey said...

I "HEAR" you gal! The whole mom thing is so wonderful but so tiring!
I hope sham and you pick the right time for the picnic - I wana join so much!

geetha said...

Go and enjoy.. mothers have to enjoy themselves now and then ;)
(I know we don't get much private times for ourselves..)